(via tapelion)

if a guy asks you what you like to do for fun, girls, you can’t be honest…you can’t be honest about what you were doing ten minutes before you got to the door. you HAVE to lie. you can’t be like: “I really enjoy choreographing naked cheerleading routines to old Britney Spears CDS and then I google a bunch of hentai porn, masturbate, don’t wash my hands, Facebook stalk my ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend, jot down their places of employment for future reference, and then I go bake some cookies and mouth kiss my dog and promise her that one day she’ll be my wife” you can’t say that.

Iliza Shlesinger (via lipsandtits)